Thursday 30 / January / 2025
For some of us, saying ‘no’ is a Herculean task. We would rather compromise on our time, energy, and comfort than lug the guilt of refusing to help and sounding mean. Just for the record, if you were to get inside our head at that point, you would know we aren’t your definition of ‘a nice person’ because it is frustrating to have to say ‘yes’ when you don’t want to. So for all those out there struggling to get out of a sticky situation, here are seven ways to scrape your way out.
1 Start with acknowledgement and appreciation
Acknowledge the fact that out of everyone else, you were the one that they approached with the request. Surely, they think you are worthy. Appreciate that. Say, for example, you’re being invited for a fancy dinner, but you want to laze around and binge on Netflix that evening (perfectly acceptable). Start your conversation by telling them that you are thankful (and honoured even) that they thought of you. This will ease the tension in the air and make you sound kind, modest and sweet (just like you want to portray); then throw in the refusal.
2 Stall it
We get it; sometimes it is hard to say a straight ‘no’ immediately. Buy some time for yourself. This will not only help you to reconsider your options (maybe it is not such a bad deal after all) but also gives the other party the time to look for alternatives and prep themselves for a refusal. At least it will look like you considered.
3 Differentiate between proposal and person
It is important to make people understand that when you refuse a plan or proposal, it only means that you are not game for that in particular. It doesn’t mean you are dismissing the individual permanently. Make it a point to tell them they can always check back with you for a different plan. Well, unless you really do detest the person; but you shouldn’t have a hard time saying ‘no’ in that case, anyway.
4 Offer an alternate
This is a great option if you really do want to help, but genuinely cannot at that point. Offer to meet them halfway or suggest something else you can do instead. For example, if a friend asks you to help her pack over the weekend but you’re caught up, suggest a day when you’re free instead. This can be used as a neat trick too if you actually don’t want to but cannot manage a ‘no’. ‘How’, you ask? Well, suggest an alternative that you know isn’t viable for them and let them refuse. Now you won’t look like the bad guy.
5 Prioritise
Know the importance of things. If taking up a new assignment just because you couldn’t refuse means you would have to delay previously scheduled plans, then communicate the discomfort it causes you and don’t take it up. The best thing to say is that because you wouldn’t be able to give it the time you’d like to, it would end up on compromised quality. You wouldn’t want to do that, and surely, no one else would either.
6 Have ready excuses
Sometimes you just know that someone is going to throw in a ‘pretty please’ and you might have to oblige. Declare your plans beforehand — before they even ask. Just make sure you keep re-working on those excuses lest they go stale.
7 Deflect
Just because you can’t do it, doesn’t mean somebody else can’t. You can give the asking party an honest advice on who else could do it (or even do it better), or you could throw in the name of someone random and let them deal with saying ‘no’. Hey, it is off your shoulders now.
Antara Bose is a model turned fashion and beauty consultant. A popular blogger, anchor, and voice over artist, she maintains a deep connection with the local fashion industry and is passionate about discovering and celebrating aspiring talent as well as promoting animal rights. For fashion updates with a side of humour and sarcasm follow Antara on instagram @antarabose and on Facebook: Antara Bose.
